To my future self,

I hope that time has been kind to you, and that you are well. Congratulation on your 40th birthday! Do you still hate to celebrate your birthday? Did you spend your birthday with a bunch of people who loves you? By the way, do you remember that in June 1st 2016 you were browsing for a perfect wedding dress all day long even though you were the first one to say no to a marriage among your friends? when you were 26, you don't actually believe in love and don't believe in your own self to be a part of a marriage. You were so scared even the thought of being a wife. Scared of being not good enough. Scared of him finding out your flaws. Scared of everything not going well. You said to everyone that you just want to be happy even though you are single. hahhahha as I'm writing this, you've been single for 4 years BTW.

Did you finally be able to have your wedding dream? A really simple wedding with a timeless white dress and a couple of closest friend. A simple dinner with a lovely music. I doubt  that you find a man who want a simple wedding cause living in Indonesia requires you to have a massive wedding. You really hate it, don't you? hmmm but the most important question, do you love him? Don't disappoint me. I hope you love him as much as he loves you. Ah, do u still remember what song you keep playing while you were writing this? it's a song by Nathan Sykes called over and over again. Such an irony, isn't it? hahhaha 

Maya, I hope you have changed for your own good. I hope you have learnt to love your own self so you finally be able to love other people. I don't get it why you loved being alone too much.  I don't get it why you love to pretend that you are such an independent woman who don't need anyone to complete you but sometimes you cry yourself to sleep cause you are afraid of dying alone. Tsk, you were such a helpless girl. You said you hate the word "love" but you secretly wanting someone to love you wholeheartedly.

Remember when you were 16 you were falling for a boy, dedicated your heart to him, blindly protect your "love" then he left you and you think that it was okay. You can call those 3 years were "your 1st love story" then you moved on and started to bind your heart and like other people. You keep making the same mistakes. You like the other people too much so they can just walk away because they have the power to do so. Then you got your heart broken again when all you did is just love that other person unconditionally. ahhhh love, such a complicated topic for both of us.

Enough with your love story. Now moving on, to all the dreams  you need to achieve. Did you finally be able to achieve it one by one? Have you finally went to Europe? Was it awesome? eiiiiy, its been 14 years after I wrote this. You must have visit some of your dream country, right?
Did you finally buy your dream car? own your dream kitchen? have you gotten a pretty daughter that you already taught how to bake cookies? hehehe how about a second child? just be responsible, okay! Kids are the most precious things. Be a good mom, will you? I trust you. I always have, I always will. What are your current job now? Did you finally own a bakery? or you decided to be a career woman? either way, I know you will do great in everything you do.

Maya, I do hope I've done at least enough for you. So, you won't suffer too much when you are 40. I promise you that I will do even better from now on. Don't cry when you are reading this. We both know you are such a cry baby ahahhah I hope it will change tho. Don't cry too much. Be happy. Just live happily, okay? 

From a time past.

June 2nd, 2016